It's SO not about me!

So, I was suppose to go to Columbus, OH and visit my cousin and his girlfriend this past weekend. Don't get me wrong I was excited, but then I was watching the weather and there was going to be some nasty weather there. I also felt as if the Lord wanted me to be in VA this particular weekend. So I called my cousin and left a message on his voice mail that I wouldn't be coming.I have a good weekend, I was productive and had a chance to hang out with my college roommate, Amy. She makes me laugh SO much, I truly value our friendship. We went to the movies with Paul and Kyle, saw "JUMPER" the special effects rocked, but the story line was a little bit blah!!!! So, Saturday was good and I chilled at the homestead. Sunday comes and I was overly pumped about going to Frontline, don't know why but as I sat down and the service began and Todd walked up and exampled the format of the service, Philippians in its entirety, but wait for it........the service incorporated the word, graphics, and music in an AWESOME way. I was truly BLESSED during the service and after. YES!!!!! FL is taking us as a body of believers to a whole new level. I'm EXCITED about it because I believe that we are going to a place where the Lord is going to ROCK US ALL!!!!! It's uncomfortable for me, but I know it's going to be the best place for me to be along with my brothers and sistas who are serious and passionate about SHINING IN THIS AREA FOR GOD'S KINGDOM!!!! I, once again am in AWE of all that is going on around and how the Lord is moving!! I'm PUMPED!!!!!

This isn't about me any more and it has taken me a long time to discover this fact. It's all about GOD!!!!!!! My agenda, my plans mean nothing. I'm at the place it's about what the Lord wants now. Todd has talked about selflessness, and I'm coming to a better place with understanding and living that out.
When "Shine" was played by Steph Cuomo and the worship band the song hit me hard. I want to SHINE now!!!!! The words are powerful and I highly recommend the new
Passion: God of This City CD to everyone! I'm currently listening to it and it ROCKS!!!!!!

SHINE~ Matt Redman
Lord we have seen the rising sun, awakening the early dawn,
And we´re rising up to give you praise.
Lord we have seen the stars and moon, see how they shine,
They shine for you,
And You´re calling us to do the same.
So we rise up with a song, and we rise up with a cry
And we´re giving you our lives.

We will shine like stars in the universe,
Holding out Your truth in the darkest place.
We´ll be living for Your glory,
Jesus we´ll be living for Your glory.
We will burn so bright with Your praise O God,
And declare Your light to this broken world.
We´ll be living for Your glory,
Jesus we´ll be living for Your glory.

Like the sun so radiantly
Sending light for all to see,
Let your holy church arise
Exploding into life,
Like a supernova´s light,
Set your holy church on fire;
We will shine.

Which side of the bridge are you looking at today?

As I was making my drive into DC for work yesterday I saw some really amazing. It was just another day kickin' it in the wonderful VA traffic on 395 North and as I crossed the 14th street bridge I looked to my right the sky was a dark cloudy, gray, as if at any moment it was going to rain down on all of us. Then I looked to the left and what I saw was a beautiful blue sky, and the clouds had dissipated, with the sun shining down. I thought about how I view my life and my relationship with the Lord. At times my life is stormy and gray, and I'm a miserable FUNKY MESS!!!!! But as I've allowed myself to rest in the Lord, those cloudy days can change becoming clear and beautiful as the Lord removes those clouds and begins to shine HIS LIGHT in my life. Which side of the bridge are you looking and living in right now?

"Strive to Trust Me"

I began reading an awesome devotional my wonderful friend and Godly woman, Lynette gave me for Christmas "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. It's about enjoying Peace in His presence. The devotionals are in first person as God is speaking to me, so as I'm up at 12:13am writing in my journal and just struggling through some stuff, I open it up for today's devotional January 22 and I wanted to share it with you:
"STRIVE TO TRUST ME in more and more areas of your life. Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessing I have hidden in the difficulties. If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of your life, it is possible to trust Me in all situations. Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. Start at the present moment-accept things exactly as they are- and search for My way in the midst of those circumstances.

Trust is like a staff you lean on, as you journey uphill with Me. If you are trusting in Me consistently, the staff will bear as much of your weight as needed. LEAN ON, TRUST, AND BE CONFIDENT IN ME WITH ALL YOUR HEARTS AND MIND. Psalms 52:8, Proverbs 3:5-6 (Amp)"

Yes, I was convicted once again, to just TRUST, not to run away or give up on the people or circumstances. I NEED TO TRUST AND LEAN ON HIM through those difficult situations!

Out of the valley, now I'm on the mountain with God

I've come a long way. I'm just sayin'! This week has been frustrating, but good. It began rocky, but God divinely set it up that even through my frustration people who truly love me to help me see how AWESOME He really is in my life. I was talking to my best friend Heather on Wednesday, which is our official phone day, since we had fallen out of contact with each other. I truly love her, and I'm blessed to have her in my life. Before we ended the conversation she said that she notices a change in me and granted we haven't seen each other in about 2 years, it was in my voice. She heard true joy and excitement about my relationship with the Lord. She also stated that the burden of my parents' craziness has been lifted and it was evident. She has been through a lot with me and my folks and the hell that I have been through because of it. I'm free, because I came to the realization that I CANNOT and DO NOT need to have their struggles. OH, YES I'M PRAISING HIM!!!!! As Heather said, "You've finally come out of the valley that you were living in for so long." Yes, and I'm on the mountain with God just chillin' and allowing my life to be ROCKED by Him!!!!!! Even when it becomes crazy in my life I don't have to resort to that helpless place which usually leads to a FUNK, but now I stay close to the Lord, because HE'S got this thing called LIFE under His control, so I know that I'm going to be ok! FREEDOM!!!!! I'm loving it!!!!!!!

Things that make me go hmmmmm................

Sunday night at Frontline once again I'm blown away how the Lord just set it up and brings the word to life in my life. Colossians 3 is kicking my butt. Just all of the TRUTH which is jammed packed in that chapter as well as the entire book is ridiculously insanely awesome! Paul is challenging the the believers of Colosse to not be distracted by the ways of the world and to living a Godly life by giving a road map of how o living. To love, be in unity, bear with each other, be at peace, forgive, dwell, teach, admonish, worship, and giving our best in everything we do for Christ. I've been mediating on this passage of scripture these past few days and I still need more time to let in all sink in. I'm looking to His word to help me as I deal with some tough situations. To have Christ at the "CENTER" of my life is what I am seeking passionately. It's funny once I have given up a lot of crap and allowed the Lord to clean up my heart, it's amazing how He continues to bless my life. All of the fighting and wrestling with Him have been all said and done, now He is able to use me, His daughter for His kingdom work. Living out Colossians 3 this week has been interesting, and the Lord continues to reiterate to me that I'm HIS and that's NEVER going to change!

Walking away

Sometimes it's better just to walk away than act out in anger. So, that's what I did I walked away. Yes, I was HOT and responding to the person in anger would not have been a good thing for me to do. I needed space and I needed to calm my nerves because I know what happens when I get mad and it can go one of two ways, both are not pretty or God honoring. I have changed a lot because the one me would have "step it off" hardcore with verbal daggers until my opponent couldn't take it anymore falling to defeat. But today I just walked away.
Walk away......giving myself time to process, pray, and hear God's voice of how to respond in "love and truth" Nobody said being in biblical community was going to be a bed of roses, it's hard when the flesh is constantly trying to keep me and others from living it out passionately and truthfully. I'll keep you posted about the situation turns out.

2007 is over....Now let the games begin in 2008!

Well, last night was New Year's Eve and this year I was in VA kickin' it with some cool people playing a lil' cosmic bowling in Alexandria to be exact. Earlier in the day I was reflecting on this past year and writing in my journal as I waited to be called for my appointment and this is what I've been thinking...........
2007 was a year which God got a hold of my heart, my mind and my soul. Don't get me wrong there was a lot of fighting along the way to get to this place. The year started out rocky, I'm not going to lie, then it just got worse. I allowed myself to be consumed by the perceptions and attitudes of others to affect how I thought about my self-worth. My self esteem was at an all-time low. Worry, anxiety, and depression were my new best friends and I once again, purposefully I might add, spiraled into a FUNK like no other! It was a self-deprecating place and I didn't want to get out of it as hard as I knew I should have. I was punishing myself for broken friendships, taking on my parents funkiness, and just not allowing myself to be LOVED by the Lord. Yup, I WAS A FUNKY MESS!!!!!!! It took be going home to Buffalo, NY for a month to help care for my dad to realize that I can't change my mother or my father. I'm not responsible for them and only GOD can change their hearts. Case and point that's it!!!!! A huge burden was lifted and since returning back over the summer God has really opened my eyes to see what HE wants me to see. My brokenness took on a whole new level. Yes, I was still mourning broken friendships, but my heart was beginning to heal the way the LORD wanted it to. As tightly as I held onto my life this past year, I started to release and the clenched marks began to fade. The Lord replaced my pain, suffering, with a newfound JOY, and PEACE!!!!! For those of you who know me I am a Type A person and I WANT and CRAVE to be in control, but my controlling ways of people have subsided, PRAISE HIM!!!! Oh, I'm a constant work in progress, but to know that on a daily basis GRACE and MERCY are given to me I needed to realize that I needed to do the same with everyone who has entered my life or for those who were to come into my crazy world!

I'm humbled, and in awe of this RIDICULOUS LOVE THE FATHER HAS FOR ME!!!!!! I'm discovering what my true spiritual gifts are and oh yes, one of them is encouragement. I'm loving diving into the lives of my new sistas and brothers in Christ and can I say that I'm BLOW AWAY by the people that the Lord has brought into my life recently. I'm serious when I said to the Lord that I don't want to choose my friends anymore and He can have control over that too, there has been an overabundance of people who are blessing my life in amazing ways. People who are striving to live a passionate life as I am. To all of you, you know who are you, I am truly blessed and so thankful for God granting me the opportunity to run this race side-by-side with you! You know I have your back and you have mine!!!!!! Are we about to have church, because I think I hear Ronnie getting ready to play the organ and Jamin is about to SANG in their purple choir robes with yellow tassels!!!!!!

So to 2008 I lift my hands raised high and I am ready to PRAISE HIM!!!!! Yes, this is going to be a PHENOMENAL year because the LORD is continuing to break me and mold me into the daughter HE wants me to be!!!!! People are going to come into my life and I'm going to be challenged and stretched in crazy ways, BUT that's good because I'm realize that with every person who comes, stays, or leaves my life there is a lesson to learn and God is using it for His glory through me! This is me, thankful and once again in awe!!!!!!! I'm going to take a long moment here y'all!!!!!!!