Well, last night was New Year's Eve and this year I was in VA kickin' it with some cool people playing a lil' cosmic bowling in Alexandria to be exact. Earlier in the day I was reflecting on this past year and writing in my journal as I waited to be called for my appointment and this is what I've been thinking...........
2007 was a year which God got a hold of my heart, my mind and my soul. Don't get me wrong there was a lot of fighting along the way to get to this place. The year started out rocky, I'm not going to lie, then it just got worse. I allowed myself to be consumed by the perceptions and attitudes of others to affect how I thought about my self-worth. My self esteem was at an all-time low. Worry, anxiety, and depression were my new best friends and I once again, purposefully I might add, spiraled into a FUNK like no other! It was a self-deprecating place and I didn't want to get out of it as hard as I knew I should have. I was punishing myself for broken friendships, taking on my parents funkiness, and just not allowing myself to be LOVED by the Lord. Yup, I WAS A FUNKY MESS!!!!!!! It took be going home to Buffalo, NY for a month to help care for my dad to realize that I can't change my mother or my father. I'm not responsible for them and only GOD can change their hearts. Case and point that's it!!!!! A huge burden was lifted and since returning back over the summer God has really opened my eyes to see what HE wants me to see. My brokenness took on a whole new level. Yes, I was still mourning broken friendships, but my heart was beginning to heal the way the LORD wanted it to. As tightly as I held onto my life this past year, I started to release and the clenched marks began to fade. The Lord replaced my pain, suffering, with a newfound JOY, and PEACE!!!!! For those of you who know me I am a Type A person and I WANT and CRAVE to be in control, but my controlling ways of people have subsided, PRAISE HIM!!!! Oh, I'm a constant work in progress, but to know that on a daily basis GRACE and MERCY are given to me I needed to realize that I needed to do the same with everyone who has entered my life or for those who were to come into my crazy world!
I'm humbled, and in awe of this RIDICULOUS LOVE THE FATHER HAS FOR ME!!!!!! I'm discovering what my true spiritual gifts are and oh yes, one of them is encouragement. I'm loving diving into the lives of my new sistas and brothers in Christ and can I say that I'm BLOW AWAY by the people that the Lord has brought into my life recently. I'm serious when I said to the Lord that I don't want to choose my friends anymore and He can have control over that too, there has been an overabundance of people who are blessing my life in amazing ways. People who are striving to live a passionate life as I am. To all of you, you know who are you, I am truly blessed and so thankful for God granting me the opportunity to run this race side-by-side with you! You know I have your back and you have mine!!!!!! Are we about to have church, because I think I hear Ronnie getting ready to play the organ and Jamin is about to SANG in their purple choir robes with yellow tassels!!!!!!
So to 2008 I lift my hands raised high and I am ready to PRAISE HIM!!!!! Yes, this is going to be a PHENOMENAL year because the LORD is continuing to break me and mold me into the daughter HE wants me to be!!!!! People are going to come into my life and I'm going to be challenged and stretched in crazy ways, BUT that's good because I'm realize that with every person who comes, stays, or leaves my life there is a lesson to learn and God is using it for His glory through me! This is me, thankful and once again in awe!!!!!!! I'm going to take a long moment here y'all!!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment