T's Random Thoughts

It's time to WAKE UP!

2011-08-17T21:27:00.000-04:00

It seems as if I have been emotionally and spiritually asleep for about 6 months. I have been just existing and not truly living. There have been certain people that have brought negativity in my life, I have had consistent discontentment in my job, and just an overall haze that I have been letting as life past me by. It's time to WAKE UP!!! The things that I use to enjoy and love doing really didn't make me happy, I lost the motivation, drive, and excitement for all that I had been so graciously blessed with. The amazing family, friendships, and potential business ventures were still there but I just came to a complete stand still. It's not a warm and fuzzy feeling to feel completely stuck and loose the passion for the things that I was once excited for in my life. It was also as if I took my eyes off of the prize which the Lord was calling me and I become consumed by the things that the world was bringing me.

Let me tell you something, I have been AWAKEN! The LORD, my family and friends didn't give up on me and now I have come to realize that those things that were sucking my life and passion out of me needed to leave my life. My soul is AWAKENING! HOLLA!!! I love the song my Chris Tomlin & Reuben Morgan, "AWAKENING". Hillsong United has covered the song and it has been an encouragement and a declaration of where my heart is right now!

AWAKENING

In our hearts Lord, in this nation
Awakening
Holy Spirit, we desire
Awakening
For you and you alone
Awake my soul awake my soul and sing
For the world you love your will be done Let your will be done in me
In your presence, in your power
Awakening
For this moment, for this hour
Awakening
Like the rising sun that shines
From the darkness comes a light
I hear your voice and this is my awakening
Like the rising sun that shines
Awake my soul
Awake my soul and sing
From the darkness comes a light
Awake my soul
Awake my soul and sing
Like the rising sun that shines
Awake my soul
Awake my soul and sing
Only you can raise a life
Awake my soul awake my soul and sing
In our hearts Lord,
In the nations
Awakening

Hillsong - With everything

2010-04-16T01:07:00.017-04:00

I LOVE THIS SONG!!!! Total Praise choir sang this again at Frontline Tysons this past Sunday and the words are ridiculous! This is what I am striving for, to be able to give the Lord EVERYTHING! I am working on it believe you me. When I first heard this song last year on the "This is Our God" CD by Hillsong United I was rocked by it. Then I watched the DVD and whew the Holy Spirit was MOVING! Last June at the concert hearing it live and having the opportunity to fully worship...AWESOME! Everyday I have a chance to give all of myself to the Lord. That's my heart's desire. So I wanted to share the song with you. Enjoy!

.........and I'm back!

2010-04-16T00:48:00.000-04:00

Things have changed for me over the past few months. It's time to let go and begin a new chapter in my life. There is so much that I want to do and I'm excited about what the future holds for me. It's time to put up of SHUT UP!!! Time to start making things a reality. TO BE CONTINUED.........

Reconciliation and Forgiveness

2009-03-01T05:40:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking about reconciliation and forgiveness over the past week. I had the opportunity to witness first hand this happening between to two of my friends who I truly value, love, and I'm blessed to have in my life. Now, you thought I was about to put their business out there? Come on, I'm not THAT person, but it has been cool to hear them talk about each other with love and sincerity. Yes, stuff went on between them, feelings were hurt, but in God's perfect timing, healing definitely has been evident with my friends. Just yesterday having the opportunity to serve one of them and just see God's hand working ROCKS!!!! I, too have recently been able to reconcile with one of my friends who I prayed daily that the Lord would restore our friendship. I missed having her in my life. Again, my timing and God's timing definitely didn't match up! I needed to be broken in a lot of areas within my relationship with Him before I could come back to the friendship. Yes, I was once again humbled by my sin, and how stupid and selfish I was being. With the wonderful conviction of the Holy Spirit smacking that much needed sense into me. It really took one of our friend's untimely death to have us realize that God has us in each others life for a specific reason. So, reconciliation, forgiveness, and God's healing began in October 2008! PRAISE GOD!!! So, I write this blog to say that no matter how long it takes if it's days, weeks, months or years, TRUE RECONCILIATION CAN AND WILL HAPPEN!!! I will testify to that! When I just get out of God's way and let Him get a hold of my broken heart, HE WILL HEAL IT!!!
Reconciliation and forgiveness is some GOOD STUFF!!!!!

So this is what I've been thinking about.....

2009-02-21T06:04:00.003-05:00

Since my last blog, alot has happened I know that I need to write more of it down. I AM IN AWE OF WHAT GOD IS DOING IN MY LIFE & IN THE LIVES OF MY BROTHERS & SISTAS IN CHRIST!!! I don't know how to express it anymore clearly. I'm here to be used by the God of Creation to LOVE, ACT, SERVE, and SHARE HIS GOSPEL! So, you may be acting yourself with is up with this girl, well friends I've discovered more within this new year of 2009 that there is true FREEDOM when you surrender completely to the Lord. I have struggled for decades of trying to figure out who I was more so struggling with an identity in Christ and not in myself. Let me tell you has been an ongoing spiritual battle, but as we completed an amazing bible study in my small group "Discerning the Voice of God" by Priscilla Shirer, I was beginning to hear from the Holy Spirit and as I listened He was saying that I needed to change. My heart was convicted, but in the best way, because it has drawn me closer to HIM! As I always say I'm NOT perfect and have it all figured out with my relationship with the Lord, but friends I'm at a place where I WANT TO KNOW MORE OF CHRIST and to develop an intimate relationship with Him. I use to play being spiritual back in high school when I went to a small Christian school from 7th grade to 12 grade and it had it's good moments , but there was a lot of negatives that came out of it. Yes, legalism was evident and I'm going to as it, and take responsibility for it that I was a hypocrite back in high school. I'm not going to call out others who I attended Christian Central Academy with, but I believe I became serious after attending there and going through some major life events, where I couldn't play church and really needed to be broken before the Lord with all my junk. My heart has changed tremendously from 1993 to now. Going to Syracuse University I was thrown into the real world, which I could now longer be sheltered by my cookie-cutter suburbia and happy go lucky mentality, which entailed a lot of fakeness. I was meeting people from all cultures, religions, those trying to figure out their sexuality dealing with some crazy stuff. These were people who lived their lives and a lot of them were without Christ's saving grace and love, but they embraced and loved me more then some of those those who I went to high school with. It became clear and with having a lot of time to witness some craziness, God became REAL in my life. I stopped playing church and living a double life, and I surrendered my life to Him! Wholeheartedly. It's amazing what He teaches you when you are so vulnerable and broken! So this is what I've been thinking about. There is more, believe me and I'm willing to share it with whoever wants to hear it.
Tressa :)

My thoughts about this week so far.....

2009-01-20T23:58:00.000-05:00

So...I've been thinking about service and how President Obama is calling on us as a nation to begin helping our fellow man. It's so cool how God works, because as Todd Phillips, teaching pastor of Frontline is going through our 4 core values on Sunday he spoke about our core value #3 "Serve". That is one of the area within our body as a church which is lower in numbers, Yes, we are growing, and connecting with each other within small groups, but why do we limit ourselves in serving others? Again, as I sat there on Sunday night sitting in a row with people who I consider to be are very important to me and who I'm living life together with as a believer, KNOW I'm called to something more. I want to be stretched, and the Lord has blessed me and my brothers and sistas in Christ with amazing spiritual gifts which are to be used to serve and share the gospel. Hmmm.....I'm ready and I know within the next week God is going to raise up others with me to begin servicing the Washington Metropolitan and internationally for His glory!!!

Onto Inauguration day. 1/20/09. I was up at 1:30am watching Oprah's pre-inaugural show taped earlier in the day and as I'm watching the celebrities, listening to Vice-President elect Joe Biden and his wife Jill speak, and hearing the song "America's Song", I'm was getting more excited about what is going to be happening in a few hours from now, HISTORY, and I was going to be a part of it! I know that there are a lot of people who aren't happy about the outcome of the Presidential election and that is fine, but I'm just saying today, stop being upset and start being a person of CHANGE! I don't want this to come off in a negative way, but stop complaining and do something! Everyone in our country and around the world witnessed and were a part of a time that will be recorded in the the history books. I want to be able to tell my children that I was a person of CHANGE and I did something of purpose. If you dream and strive you can do great things too. Since coming back from Rwanda in May 2008, and serving with a phenomenal team ( Dave, Lauren, Steve, Becky, Tina, Jung, Lisa, and Jamin), as well as with the ROCK STARS of World Relief (Myal, Kijucka Thomas, and Phil and Becca Smith, and other awesome people) with MBC's church partnership, I've been struggling with where I'm suppose to be serving. I witnessed firsthand extreme poverty in Rwanda and Kenya, then coming back I went through a difficult re-enter process but now as I see that I've been blessed with being born in a country where I can help those who are considered the "least of these" and I'm humble and in awe of how I'm currently going to be used. My voice with others who have discovered their calling and purpose, can be encouraged and challenged to strive for greatness. President Obama had to sacrifice and endure a lot, with first being an African American man, but he did it and now he is getting ready to lead this country which I'm proud to be a citizen of. I guess as I watched and took in all of the inaugural coverage throughout the day and listening to President Obama's speech which so eloquently put it that it is time to dust ourselves off, get up and realize that we are not a defeated country. We may have some big wounds and bruised that we are facing that include war, the financial crisis, and the dire state of our environment , BUT I know we are a country that will continue to be strong during our time of trials and adversity. I will not forget today for it will be a constant reminder that it's time for me and those who are running with me in this journey called life as we are the ones called by the Lord to act, serve, love, and share. It's a lot to take in but I just wanted to share.

Tressa :)

It's SO not about me!

2008-02-20T23:38:00.003-05:00

So, I was suppose to go to Columbus, OH and visit my cousin and his girlfriend this past weekend. Don't get me wrong I was excited, but then I was watching the weather and there was going to be some nasty weather there. I also felt as if the Lord wanted me to be in VA this particular weekend. So I called my cousin and left a message on his voice mail that I wouldn't be coming.I have a good weekend, I was productive and had a chance to hang out with my college roommate, Amy. She makes me laugh SO much, I truly value our friendship. We went to the movies with Paul and Kyle, saw "JUMPER" the special effects rocked, but the story line was a little bit blah!!!! So, Saturday was good and I chilled at the homestead. Sunday comes and I was overly pumped about going to Frontline, don't know why but as I sat down and the service began and Todd walked up and exampled the format of the service, Philippians in its entirety, but wait for it........the service incorporated the word, graphics, and music in an AWESOME way. I was truly BLESSED during the service and after. YES!!!!! FL is taking us as a body of believers to a whole new level. I'm EXCITED about it because I believe that we are going to a place where the Lord is going to ROCK US ALL!!!!! It's uncomfortable for me, but I know it's going to be the best place for me to be along with my brothers and sistas who are serious and passionate about SHINING IN THIS AREA FOR GOD'S KINGDOM!!!! I, once again am in AWE of all that is going on around and how the Lord is moving!! I'm PUMPED!!!!!

This isn't about me any more and it has taken me a long time to discover this fact. It's all about GOD!!!!!!! My agenda, my plans mean nothing. I'm at the place it's about what the Lord wants now. Todd has talked about selflessness, and I'm coming to a better place with understanding and living that out.
When "Shine" was played by Steph Cuomo and the worship band the song hit me hard. I want to SHINE now!!!!! The words are powerful and I highly recommend the new
Passion: God of This City CD to everyone! I'm currently listening to it and it ROCKS!!!!!!

SHINE~ Matt Redman
Lord we have seen the rising sun, awakening the early dawn,
And we´re rising up to give you praise.
Lord we have seen the stars and moon, see how they shine,
They shine for you,
And You´re calling us to do the same.
So we rise up with a song, and we rise up with a cry
And we´re giving you our lives.

We will shine like stars in the universe,
Holding out Your truth in the darkest place.
We´ll be living for Your glory,
Jesus we´ll be living for Your glory.
We will burn so bright with Your praise O God,
And declare Your light to this broken world.
We´ll be living for Your glory,
Jesus we´ll be living for Your glory.

Like the sun so radiantly
Sending light for all to see,
Let your holy church arise
Exploding into life,
Like a supernova´s light,
Set your holy church on fire;
We will shine.

Which side of the bridge are you looking at today?

2008-01-31T03:28:00.001-05:00

As I was making my drive into DC for work yesterday I saw some really amazing. It was just another day kickin' it in the wonderful VA traffic on 395 North and as I crossed the 14th street bridge I looked to my right the sky was a dark cloudy, gray, as if at any moment it was going to rain down on all of us. Then I looked to the left and what I saw was a beautiful blue sky, and the clouds had dissipated, with the sun shining down. I thought about how I view my life and my relationship with the Lord. At times my life is stormy and gray, and I'm a miserable FUNKY MESS!!!!! But as I've allowed myself to rest in the Lord, those cloudy days can change becoming clear and beautiful as the Lord removes those clouds and begins to shine HIS LIGHT in my life. Which side of the bridge are you looking and living in right now?

"Strive to Trust Me"

2008-01-22T00:10:00.000-05:00

I began reading an awesome devotional my wonderful friend and Godly woman, Lynette gave me for Christmas "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. It's about enjoying Peace in His presence. The devotionals are in first person as God is speaking to me, so as I'm up at 12:13am writing in my journal and just struggling through some stuff, I open it up for today's devotional January 22 and I wanted to share it with you:
"STRIVE TO TRUST ME in more and more areas of your life. Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessing I have hidden in the difficulties. If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of your life, it is possible to trust Me in all situations. Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. Start at the present moment-accept things exactly as they are- and search for My way in the midst of those circumstances.

Trust is like a staff you lean on, as you journey uphill with Me. If you are trusting in Me consistently, the staff will bear as much of your weight as needed. LEAN ON, TRUST, AND BE CONFIDENT IN ME WITH ALL YOUR HEARTS AND MIND. Psalms 52:8, Proverbs 3:5-6 (Amp)"

Yes, I was convicted once again, to just TRUST, not to run away or give up on the people or circumstances. I NEED TO TRUST AND LEAN ON HIM through those difficult situations!

Out of the valley, now I'm on the mountain with God

2008-01-19T05:49:00.000-05:00

I've come a long way. I'm just sayin'! This week has been frustrating, but good. It began rocky, but God divinely set it up that even through my frustration people who truly love me to help me see how AWESOME He really is in my life. I was talking to my best friend Heather on Wednesday, which is our official phone day, since we had fallen out of contact with each other. I truly love her, and I'm blessed to have her in my life. Before we ended the conversation she said that she notices a change in me and granted we haven't seen each other in about 2 years, it was in my voice. She heard true joy and excitement about my relationship with the Lord. She also stated that the burden of my parents' craziness has been lifted and it was evident. She has been through a lot with me and my folks and the hell that I have been through because of it. I'm free, because I came to the realization that I CANNOT and DO NOT need to have their struggles. OH, YES I'M PRAISING HIM!!!!! As Heather said, "You've finally come out of the valley that you were living in for so long." Yes, and I'm on the mountain with God just chillin' and allowing my life to be ROCKED by Him!!!!!! Even when it becomes crazy in my life I don't have to resort to that helpless place which usually leads to a FUNK, but now I stay close to the Lord, because HE'S got this thing called LIFE under His control, so I know that I'm going to be ok! FREEDOM!!!!! I'm loving it!!!!!!!

Things that make me go hmmmmm................

2008-01-15T21:39:00.000-05:00

Sunday night at Frontline once again I'm blown away how the Lord just set it up and brings the word to life in my life. Colossians 3 is kicking my butt. Just all of the TRUTH which is jammed packed in that chapter as well as the entire book is ridiculously insanely awesome! Paul is challenging the the believers of Colosse to not be distracted by the ways of the world and to living a Godly life by giving a road map of how o living. To love, be in unity, bear with each other, be at peace, forgive, dwell, teach, admonish, worship, and giving our best in everything we do for Christ. I've been mediating on this passage of scripture these past few days and I still need more time to let in all sink in. I'm looking to His word to help me as I deal with some tough situations. To have Christ at the "CENTER" of my life is what I am seeking passionately. It's funny once I have given up a lot of crap and allowed the Lord to clean up my heart, it's amazing how He continues to bless my life. All of the fighting and wrestling with Him have been all said and done, now He is able to use me, His daughter for His kingdom work. Living out Colossians 3 this week has been interesting, and the Lord continues to reiterate to me that I'm HIS and that's NEVER going to change!

Walking away

2008-01-14T00:56:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's better just to walk away than act out in anger. So, that's what I did I walked away. Yes, I was HOT and responding to the person in anger would not have been a good thing for me to do. I needed space and I needed to calm my nerves because I know what happens when I get mad and it can go one of two ways, both are not pretty or God honoring. I have changed a lot because the one me would have "step it off" hardcore with verbal daggers until my opponent couldn't take it anymore falling to defeat. But today I just walked away.
Walk away......giving myself time to process, pray, and hear God's voice of how to respond in "love and truth" Nobody said being in biblical community was going to be a bed of roses, it's hard when the flesh is constantly trying to keep me and others from living it out passionately and truthfully. I'll keep you posted about the situation turns out.

2007 is over....Now let the games begin in 2008!

2008-01-01T09:20:00.000-05:00

Well, last night was New Year's Eve and this year I was in VA kickin' it with some cool people playing a lil' cosmic bowling in Alexandria to be exact. Earlier in the day I was reflecting on this past year and writing in my journal as I waited to be called for my appointment and this is what I've been thinking...........
2007 was a year which God got a hold of my heart, my mind and my soul. Don't get me wrong there was a lot of fighting along the way to get to this place. The year started out rocky, I'm not going to lie, then it just got worse. I allowed myself to be consumed by the perceptions and attitudes of others to affect how I thought about my self-worth. My self esteem was at an all-time low. Worry, anxiety, and depression were my new best friends and I once again, purposefully I might add, spiraled into a FUNK like no other! It was a self-deprecating place and I didn't want to get out of it as hard as I knew I should have. I was punishing myself for broken friendships, taking on my parents funkiness, and just not allowing myself to be LOVED by the Lord. Yup, I WAS A FUNKY MESS!!!!!!! It took be going home to Buffalo, NY for a month to help care for my dad to realize that I can't change my mother or my father. I'm not responsible for them and only GOD can change their hearts. Case and point that's it!!!!! A huge burden was lifted and since returning back over the summer God has really opened my eyes to see what HE wants me to see. My brokenness took on a whole new level. Yes, I was still mourning broken friendships, but my heart was beginning to heal the way the LORD wanted it to. As tightly as I held onto my life this past year, I started to release and the clenched marks began to fade. The Lord replaced my pain, suffering, with a newfound JOY, and PEACE!!!!! For those of you who know me I am a Type A person and I WANT and CRAVE to be in control, but my controlling ways of people have subsided, PRAISE HIM!!!! Oh, I'm a constant work in progress, but to know that on a daily basis GRACE and MERCY are given to me I needed to realize that I needed to do the same with everyone who has entered my life or for those who were to come into my crazy world!

I'm humbled, and in awe of this RIDICULOUS LOVE THE FATHER HAS FOR ME!!!!!! I'm discovering what my true spiritual gifts are and oh yes, one of them is encouragement. I'm loving diving into the lives of my new sistas and brothers in Christ and can I say that I'm BLOW AWAY by the people that the Lord has brought into my life recently. I'm serious when I said to the Lord that I don't want to choose my friends anymore and He can have control over that too, there has been an overabundance of people who are blessing my life in amazing ways. People who are striving to live a passionate life as I am. To all of you, you know who are you, I am truly blessed and so thankful for God granting me the opportunity to run this race side-by-side with you! You know I have your back and you have mine!!!!!! Are we about to have church, because I think I hear Ronnie getting ready to play the organ and Jamin is about to SANG in their purple choir robes with yellow tassels!!!!!!

So to 2008 I lift my hands raised high and I am ready to PRAISE HIM!!!!! Yes, this is going to be a PHENOMENAL year because the LORD is continuing to break me and mold me into the daughter HE wants me to be!!!!! People are going to come into my life and I'm going to be challenged and stretched in crazy ways, BUT that's good because I'm realize that with every person who comes, stays, or leaves my life there is a lesson to learn and God is using it for His glory through me! This is me, thankful and once again in awe!!!!!!! I'm going to take a long moment here y'all!!!!!!!

BROKEN

2007-12-11T23:02:00.000-05:00

So, about a month ago I'm sitting at Frontline minding my own business and Steph Cuomo starts singing the feature song and it's ""Broken" by Lifehouse. I'm listening and reading the words on the screen and I'm ROCKED!!!!! Hey, how did Jason Wade know what I was thinking, feeling, and then put it into a song?!?!? I feel like everyone needed to hear the song, including me. I have felt like the words more over the past 10 months. Hey, it's been a journey, but I continue to hold on even through the pain, and a broken heart. As I'm holdin' on I found healing and so many other amazing things! Hmmmm......

BROKEN by Lifehouse

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hanging on another day just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

About my friend Mel

2007-12-11T22:50:00.000-05:00

About my friend Mel

It's interesting how God uses you in a situation and at the same time blows you away with his AWESOMENESS!!!! Yesterday I called my childhood friend Melissa as I promised I would after texting her on Friday. I was just checking in on her since about a month she shared with me that she is an alcoholic and had been hiding it from her husband for about the majority of their marriage of 11 years. Alcoholism is very evident in my family since I have witnessed first hand the destructive affects of my mom's younger sister who has been struggling with it for about 30 years. It will rip a famliy's core as it has done with mine, but THANK GOD for His GRACE and LOVE, because if I didn't have it I would have written her off a long time ago. So, back to Mel...her husband gave her an ultimatum to get her act together or she would be out and he would take the kids. He had enough of her crazy shenanagians and wasn't going to put up with it anymore. She had made some strides and right after stopped drinking and began going to AA meetings. I was optimistic for her, she would text me her progress so things were coming along. As someone within the mental health field I strongly encouraged her to seek out psychological intervention since she is suffering from depression and due to financial constraints she had to stop therapy and medication. There is some much crap that she has be dealt in her life that she hasn't really dealt with it and now it just surfaced all at once.

About 3 weeks ago I was talking to her and asked about how the AA meeting were going and she said she stopped going because and I quote "I don't think I believe in God and that is primarily what the 12 steps are focused on a 'higher power or God'" Ultressa's response was hmmmm.....I listened to her and than the Holy Spirit did his thing. I told her that her existence right now is because of GOD, her waking up, taking another breath, being with her kids and the love she has for her children is because of GOD. Now, y'all who know me I was about to get my purple choir robe with yellow tassles on and have a lil' church with her, but I know the words that were coming out of my mouth where guided by the Lord with LOVE and TRUTH. She use to be a follower of Christ when we were younger, but again life hit her hard and she has been through a lot, but she stopped believing in the saving grace of the Lord. She also said "I don't think I ever believed in God." That's when the purple choir robe was about to come out friends. She was apprehensive with telling me this because she KNOWS I'm a Christ follower and she thought that it would offend me. Ummm.... no, I told her that she is trying to figure out what she believes and it's not going to change for me, I'm loving Jesus and living a life for Him. I not going to change how I talk to her and I'm going to share God with her. You better PRAISE HIM!!!!

Ok, so back to yesterday, I called her and when she answered the phone I knew sometime was wrong. I asked how she was doing and she told me not good. She continued to share that she had falling back into drinking on Friday and she called her husband at work to let him know and he basically flipped out on her. When it happened the last time she wanted to end her life and we have been through this before when I was in my senior year at Syracuse she attempted to take her life. That rocked my world and I knew once the Lord brought her back into my life that I need to help, and encourage her. I asked her what happened on Friday that she wanted to go to the liquor store and get alcohol, what was the trigger for her to fall off the wagon. She said "Nothing, and that she was having a really good day." WHAT?!?!?!? In my mind are you serious?!?!?!?!? That's the world of an alcoholic, my friends. So, I continued to talk to her and tell her that today was the day that she NEEDED to make a change and get some serious help. As I was talking to her Todd's messages on Suicide and Alcohol Consumption came to mind and I remembered he gave a few numbers for those who needed help to call. Since she lives in Quincy, MA I was looking online for places. She kept saying I don't know where to get help, but best believe y'all I was on a mission at 9:30am to get my friend some type of help! In TRUTH and LOVE I basically told her that this is the breaking point that she needed to get the help. She needed to make the first steps to begin recovery and healing for herself. When she gets to those crappy place of self-loathing she has said that she has suicidial thoughts, I wasn't having her go there. I also told her that even though it is going to be extremely difficult she is not alone and I'm there with her through this. She finally found a crisis number to call and I told her to call me back after she talked with someone. Before she called back I knew that I need people to be lifting her up in prayer so I was on gchat and sent Keri a message, called Ronnie and texted Lo to PRAY. Ronnie prayed with me on the phone and while she was lifting Mel and myself up I began to cry. I'm an emotional person, but I wasn't excepting that to happen. I believe I was crying because Mel was looking and living life with hopelessness. The pain she was experiencing I had taken on and it hit me hard. Carrying each others burdens y'all and it was so apparent for me yesterday.

She called back and said the person told her to go to the ER and then she would be admitted to the psychiatric unit. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!! Someone else confirming she needed serious help! She is finally going to get the help that she needs. I was all done asking her what she is going to do, it was game time, I was telling her. This is life and death. Mel is the type of person to not initiate and just sit while life goes by, not yesterday and not on my watch! So, I told her to call her mom in NY and let her know what was going on, she was hesitant with doing that, but it was as if she needed to take baby sides with each call to family member and she required so much encouragement to do it. She was throwing out ridiculous excuses of not going: "I don't want to miss work, or my mom is coming to visit" I wish I could reach my hand through this phone and smack some Holy Spirit sense into her. She stopped after I continued to reiterate that she needed to get help and start taking care of herself. So this was about 1 1/2 hours. She text be back and said that her husband was angry and she would call me soon. I text her back and said" Get to the ER!!!!!!! He'll get over being angry!" Yup, it was life or death in my mind and I wasn't going to have her get deterred from getting to that hospital. I said to Courtney in between calls from Mel that if I lived up MA it wouldn't matter where I was in that state I would drive up there and take her to the hospital myself!

So friends, with all the calls, text messages I'm just waiting to find out what happened. If she actually made it to the hospital or not. I called and left a message on her cell yesterday afternoon and I haven't heard anything back. She could very well be at hospital and not have access to her cell phone or she didn't go and is avoiding me. ONLY GOD KNOWS!!!!!! Please pray for MELISSA QUINN!!!! Pray for her heart that she will allow the LORD back into her life and to heal her heart and body from the cancer of alcoholism. Pray for me that I continue to love her no matter what her decision and choices are and to be a light! Thanks!

Whistle while you blog....

2007-10-08T14:53:00.000-04:00

Alright, blogging for me is a way to get these random, craziness, funky mess of thoughts out of my head. So I guess this a work in progress. So, bear with me on this wild and crazy ride that I take you on :) Stay tuned!